My Darkest Hour



Key Bible Verse: We were so utterly, unbearably crushed that we despaired of life itself. (2 Corinthians 1:8, NRSV)

Dig Deeper: 2 Corinthians 1:3-11

Two weeks into my imprisonment, I awoke with a level of despair I had never known. I felt I had no reason to live [and] suicide was my only option, the only way out. I waited for the hourly guard inspection to pass. Then I crept to the sink, filled it with water, [and tried to tie a towel around my head to hold it underwater; but] I jerked my head out and fell to the floor, gagging and coughing. I couldn’t do it. I mustered the energy to try a second time, and a third time, then a fourth. I fell to the ground in shame and began to weep uncontrollably.

Suddenly, there was more light than normal. Jesus was standing before me, his face shining in all its glory. He was more beautiful than words could ever describe. As I looked, I was overwhelmed by the love in his smile. He stretched out his hands toward me and reached underneath me, saying, “I will carry you through this time.” In a moment, the vision ended. I was alone again, but somehow not alone. I could not describe what was happening in my heart and mind. I was overcome, this time not by fear but by love.

– Dan Baumann in A Fresh Look at Fear

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