Key Bible Verse: [Love] is not self-seeking. (1 Corinthians 13:5, NIV)

Dig Deeper: 

Learning to showcase our spouses requires that we learn to appreciate a different kind of pleasure: our spouses’ above our own. Showcasing is the exact opposite of being selfish. Worldly love loves because of what we get out of it: “I love you because you make me feel so good.” “I love you because you make me happy.” “I love you because you are so lovable.”

Infatuated couples don’t think like this, but they do feel like this, which is why they can become so bitter and resentful when the infatuation fades and they have to try to rebuild an intimate marriage based on authenticity and service.

Cherishing our spouses requires a certain self-forgetfulness and a corresponding determination to focus on our spouses. Another way to put it is that the call to cherish isn’t to appreciate being pleasured by your spouse but to take pleasure in the pleasure of your spouse. To cherish is to be filled with joy not because your spouse brings you joy but because you take joy in your spouse’s joy. You feel more elated over their blessings than even your own. To cherish is to almost desperately want others to see the best side of your spouse the way you do.

– Gary Thomas in Cherish

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