Men do a lot of damage when they don’t properly harness their anger

by Kirk Giles

Ifinally snapped! Several years ago, my son Carter had been doing what little boys do and I had enough. I yelled and screamed at my son, and watched this little boy back into a corner of our rec room.

When I finally realized I had gone too far, I went to reach out and hug him. But he ducked and turned away from me. He thought I was going to hit him.

I was overwhelmed with sadness and sorrow—not only for what I had done, but also because now my son was afraid I was going to hurt him.


For many years, people have talked about sexual purity being one of the greatest temptations facing men. While it is a great temptation, anger is another significant issue that ranks right beside it.

Anger is something men all around you are wrestling with. We have facilitated enough workshops on anger at our “Ignite” men’s conferences to know that this topic strikes a nerve with men we see at church every Sunday. These workshops are usually over capacity in attendance as men from all ages and backgrounds recognize they battle with anger.

There are men who have moments where they simply feel intense anger towards someone; others feel angry on a consistent basis; and there are other men who regularly lash out in anger— usually to those they love the most. In these moments we lose control and are likely to do something we will deeply regret afterwards.

Men have done a lot of damage to others by not being able to harness their anger.

We also need to recognize that anger is not always a negative. The Bible talks very clearly about righteous anger, and we need to give men who follow Jesus permission to get angry over unrighteous things and express this anger in righteous ways.

Too many times we ignore or cast aside a man who is angry because we do not believe he is being like Jesus. When we find ourselves acting this way, we need to revisit some of Jesus’ actions and attitudes. We should not automatically write off a man who is angry, but we need to discover the source of his anger.

Many times, you will be surprised at why a man is actually angry.

It is my hope and prayer that this will be a challenge to men who are angry, and a source of hope and encouragement that there is a way out—a way for God to heal what has already been damaged by our anger.

Carter is much older now. While I am not a perfect father, by God’s grace we have a fantastic relationship as a father and son. We laugh together, go places together and really enjoy life together. He comes to me for advice and is no longer afraid that I will respond with anger.

I share this with you for only one reason—I am a living example that if we allow Him to, God can shape us to be men of love and joy rather than anger and bitterness. I share this with you to give you hope that God can heal your relationships and life.

Kirk Giles is the president of Promise Keepers Canada. However, his most important roles as a man are husband to Shannon and father to Carter, Joshua, Sydney and Samuel.